Advice From :: Handy-man-mr.-fix-it-all-know-it-all-homeowners
WARNING: This post has been rated HSP (HIGHLY SARCASTIC POST)
Please do not take actually take any of this advice.
If I had to give advice based on the hundreds of houses I’ve looked at over the years, it’d be the absolute worst advice a human being could possible give and therefore also the worst advice a human being could take. So as a fun post, I thought I’d share the things I’ve “learned” from looking at how other homeowners update and repair their homes. And although no one should take any of this advice, it’s mildly entertaining to see the things people come up with when they don’t want to pay a professional to fix something.
Just keep in mind while reading these tips that most of these “handy-man-mr.-fix-it-all-know-it-all-homeowners” lost their homes! (Probably due to the fact that they did the following things…)
Without further ado, from personal first hand experience, here are ingenious ways to update or repair your home….
Add Outlets in Your Kitchen – Without an Electrician!
Want an easy way to add additional outlets in your home without having to contact an electrician? Here is the easy handy-man-mr.-fix-it-all-know-it-all-homeowner solution… just add power strips. How’d they manage this ingenious fete? It looked like these bright homeowners used a crow bar to open a gap between the wall and the counter top in order to drop the cord of a power-strip behind there. But don’t worry about pinching the cord, it’s not a fire hazard or anything.
Give Your Stairs a Realistic Marble Makeover!
When you want the stairs in your house to look elegant, exquisite and carved from pure marble, just find one of those rolls of contact paper (you know, the kind kids use to cover their school books) and stick it to the stairs. Make sure to do it in as many different pieces as possible so it looks really pieced together. And don’t worry about laying it flat, it can have bubbles and wrinkles in it, because real marble looks like that anyway, right? I promise it will look totally legit, like a real marble staircase in the middle of your home. Here’s a picture to prove it. (It looks totally legit, right?)
Insulate Your Walls – With Couch Pillows
Wondering how to insulate your walls? Try a few couch pillows! Just shove them in the wall and you’re good to go.
Fix Your Own Leaky Roof – Don’t Pay a Roofer!
When you don’t want to pay a hefty roofing bill, all you need is a small tarp, some ferring strips (or lath) and nails. Now, go on top of the roof and lay the tarp on top of the leak and nail like crazy… make sure to put as many new holes into the roof as possible. And whatever you do, DO NOT pull the tarp over the ridge of the roof… you want as much as water to pour down under the tarp as possible. Lastly, leave the tarp on for at least 7 years so that it slowly degrades.
Fix Your Own Leaky Faucet – Don’t Pay a Plumber
Speaking of leaky… have a leaky faucet? Do not call a plumber. All you have to do is take some paper towels and neatly wrap them around the leak. All set!
Add a Runner to Your Stairs
Once you have your faux marble stairs (“carved from pure marble”) add a runner! Don’t worry about the runner being straight and definitely don’t worry about having the same reveal on each side, it’ll look fine. Just lay it on and wherever it falls, nail the hell out of it and you’re good to go.
Fix a Hole in a Door With Whatever You Have Laying Around
Got a hole in your garage door? Cover it with ANYTHING big enough to fit over the hole. Don’t forget to screw it on with really long screws that go through the door and allow them to protrude through to the other side, providing a great place for someone to snag their leg!
Tile Your Window Sill (NO Grout and NO Cutting Tiles Required)
Do like this homeowner did and tile your window sill — a very popular thing to do when you had deep windowsills back in the day. People who liked to put flowers in the window to protect the wood from rotting if the plant got overwatered would tile their sills and it would usually look elegant. If you’re not going for the elegant look, copy this handy-man-mr.-fix-it-all-know-it-all-homeowner and just find any old tile you have laying around and place it in the window sill. DONE! No grout and no cutting of tiles required. Who cares about the gaps between the tile and sides of the windows… they add character.[foogallery id=”439″]
Lastly, Add Your Own Doorways
Need a doorway in the basement? Just blow a hole in the wall, anywhere is fine… and don’t worry about where the structural supports are, those things ONLY hold up the house.. everything will be fine.
So there you have it. These handy-man-mr.-fix-it-all-know-it-all-homeowners left some great work behind in these houses. And good thing too or I wouldn’t have all this awesome advice to share.
Again, please don’t take any of this advice.